Dysthymia.

we know you want to wear this suit but please wait your turn.

it gets hot under the collar when men watch the world burn

keep your eyes on the prize and divide the sky.

it's all a matter of me telling the truth,

it's all a matter of eradicating from the root.

rewind the clocks back to certainty.

there's no mystique in mystery.

I'm slightly jaded by your defeat,
self inflicted at your peak.

When Bigots Knock On Your Door.

Doctor doctor,

I need some help figuring this out.

I cracked open my head,and stored my thoughts on the shelf.

These hearts are deeply rooted.

These lines fade from black to white.

This isnt' what we wished for,

This isn't what we planned

she wasn't what we wanted.

We'll see she makes her end.

"I swear on the stars it wasn't what i meant"

Vowels tore into consonants

Stanzas recreate dissonance.

Wasn't what we prayed for ,but what we were plagued with.

Emotion like a lightbulb,

trauma was the light switch

Pragmatics.

I'm fucking pathetic,I have officially decided.

I'm a fragile bag of shit that wants love and honesty.

It's too much to ask of in this lifetime I suppose.

It would be loads easier for me to handle if I just wanted attention.

I'm humble,not oblivious,I'm aware I could get it easy,

but I don't want lust,I want love.

Contrition.

I've got a bone to pick,I'll pry it from your every rib.

I'll be by your side,I'll hold your hand,

but when chaos ensues, I will bid you ado.

Well the sky has imploded and your eyes kept me awake.

Virgin Mary's first fuck,meets Satan's last mistake.

Maybe it's time to make a change,

this wretch this stench is all the same.

resources have been drained, a manger silk and sandpaper draped.

Obstruction.

A typical set of human teeth's natural reaction to intense cold,is to chatter.

A cat's natural reaction to falling is to extend their limbs to land without harm.

My natural reaction to the prospect of amorous growth for another person,makes me want to  sabotage it.

Think scorpions.

They kill themselves if they are dying, to save themselves dignity, to avoid looking weak.

Probably the most eery/interesting thing I've read in a long fucking time.

Maybe it's my pride.

Or maybe it's my inability to admit I love someone more than I love myself.

I'm. So. Fucked.

Divulge.

I thole through continuously mundane days.

This sanction of being afflicted with a relationship that

consists of my disconsolate moods is more than I can 

rely my countenance on.

Maybe it's the insult to my intelligence that drives me implausible.

I want a remote.

I need a relapse.

A few days until Utah.

God's speed.

Karma le Cancro.

It's your cool disposition that displays your perfect diction,but there's 
got to be more than just a frog in your throat.
There has to more than two lines in a joke.
Yes I am fucking relentless with the words that are left,unsaid, 
Unwritten,not even off my chest.
Yes I'm smarter than most,who cares if im born a bit late? 

Fuck material,I have my priorities straight.

Vanished From View.

I haven't posted on here in awhile,

I've been storing all my proses and music on my phone,

and frankly it's taking a barrel load of space,so i'll be using this again,

when i don't have a pen and paper to scribble shit on.

Seraphism.

I dont have a shot to get into heaven.

I wont even bother the peregrination to the pearly gates.

St. Paul is going to look down at the list, and wonder why the fuck I even camped 

out on the mile long line of do gooders, virgins, people who have succumbed to cancer, the nerdy awkward girl everyone hated and ridiculed in middle school, and all in between.

Me? No,i couldn't even rent a timeshare near the palace of tranquility people aspire to gain entry into so hard during their lifetimes to get into.

It's like a concert everyone wants backstage passes and front row seats to.

Heaven is a concert I won't be attending.

I live my life as savage, ruthless shitbag,and I intend on keeping it that way, kind people aren't funny.

I am the antonym of buoyant.

I am the synonym for cancer.

I'm rightfully going to be evaporate through the floor straight to hell when I die.

A Night Spent On The Bathroom Floor.

I shake and I quiver,these feels too good
pleasure inflicted by my own thoughts.
its like a whole new just opened up
turn the lock on the knob so nobody can disrupt
I put my love and my faith in a distant lover,
who I want and I lust unlike any other
all I can do is breathe deep and think,until I clean myself off at the bathroom sink.

Acrimonious

I have a critical view of the human race.

Women,men, they're the same.

The same flesh covered walking breathing scum.

Promiscuous girls are a lesser form of human.

Treat people how they treat themselves.

If the woman is garbage,treat the broad like garbage.

Trash is trash no matter how nice their body is.

Vulgar patois has absolutely no meaning anymore.

Retrogress.

I've realized today how much of a colossal asshole I am.

I'm going to milk this for all it's worth.

Desiderio ed Amore

I am an utter hypocrite.

Tonight I told my friend about how he needs to swallow his pride for the one he loves.

When I can't manage to do the same.

Who am I shitting?

I have not a clue,but most definitely not myself.

How big is my pride?

Too big to make it's way to my throat so I can swallow it,just to muster the words I love you.

We use eachother as a crutch when we both need to walk away.

Squander.

The sky has imploded.

I agree,let's start a new leaf.

But it seems to be,we've availed a tree.

I binge and i purge and i binge and i purge

I'll drain you from my system.

Profligacy.

The fine line between love and lust has been wholly blurred.

If only you wanted her as you did me.

This would be a lot easier.

The term "platonic" has been redefined.

I hope i'm worth micturating on your relationship.

Prorogue.

We are going to dissipate into nothing.

You got what you wanted.

Goodnight.

Corrosion.

This is the candor that i must concede,

im more diaphanous than i'd like to believe.

damned if you do, damned if you dont

she delivered a punchline,but where was the joke?

it was located right under her hollow chest.

under the affectation that she knew best.

it has the texture of monolith

and the look of purulentus.

this was a warning,that nothing could save us.

Inamorato.

Apple Juice and a salad bowl serving of pasta.

More laundry than the washer can handle.

Piercing needles and plugs everywhere.

Broken handheld mirrors,cups,& plates lay strewn all over the fucking house.

The only person that stuck around long enough to see me burgeon again.

This will all end badly.

Armor.

I was raised like a pig for slaughter.
more of a burden,not really a daughter.
never had a home,nor have I ever cared
fragile as a flower petal, detached thin and scared.
there's more than blood beneath these wrists,
there's silk hidden under this sandpaper skin.
a paper machè caste encases a soul, divided in parts of seven.
who needs hell when you have suffering?
who needs bliss when you have heaven?

Yielding Only To Accelerate.

We can climb the tower of babel,or ring a wedding bell.
we can crack the sky,the clouds,of I can lay on my back,
throat scratched from screaming loud.
your back is now my throat. our morals of the same worth.
I pray to fucking god this fuck doesn't progress into a birth.
taste this kiss upon your lips,this was just a dirty tryst,
count the targets, bill the debts.
behead this king,the figurehead.

Dictum.

all her body was worth;

a franklin and some coke.

a charlatan and some blow

epiphanies never sought.

an idea sunk but not thought.

let this aphorism be a template for those

who take life a joke,

you get what you put out.

just release and let "us" go.

Fabrication & Truth.

A common misconception of me: im just a big titted goombah with nothing to say but insults and smart aleck comments.
Call me crazy,but thinking that someone would lie about their brothers' deaths is royally fucked. Even lying about that calls for psychiatric evaluation. So why would people assume I'd lie about that? No clue. It just boggles my mind that one who would continuously reassure me that they cared would now accuse me of lying about my brothers. It's disgusting. Weren't we supposed to forget eachother existed? We fought,I got over it. You bring this to someone else obsecrating for more drama. "Im a grown ass man, and this time I'll prove it". That doesn't really work with what you're doing does it? And again and again,this happens. I wear my heart on my sleeves and these sleeves get torn off and spat upon. It's okay though,I always have a sewing kit.

Conglomerate.

I don't think my parents knew what they were getting themselves into the moment

They decided to keep me

I'm a truly volatile human being.

An atrocious person.

Some say I have passion and heart,some say I have the emotions of a cactus,the Latter is wrong.

It has now become impossible to "fuck me over",or "break my heart".

I've seemed to have numbed myself to that by years of going through it.

I'm not sad,or depressed of regretful.

Just angry. Not a begrudging anger,just an anger for everything and anything.

I'm happy yet dissatisfied.

It's gonna take a while to numb that feeling as well.

I just want to die a stoic pastiche.

Progress.

87; 7 to go.

If I learned anything in treatment, it wasn't that control came in happiness.

Fuck experts.

Fuck medicinal novels.

Fuck rehabilitation treatments.

Dietary subjugation is the highest form of self control.

Chimera.

You're such a comely soul.

Who would've known you were scum?

You're such a soothing being.

Who would've known you were untamed?

You have such luster,all fool's gold.

Your shine has faded.

You're now as fraudulent as the words that fall from your lips.

I'll be copulating with the stars, you'll be congregating with the venal.

Sewing Together A Ruptured Artery.

You always crawl back.

Like an addict to a pipe.

A trollop to a dick.

Your morals stand on salt.

Excuse me while I hose you down.

You are sewage.

You are filth.

You are not my equal.

I am a deity.

Memoirs Written In Invisible Ink.

Baby, you are walking the fine line between Crown Heights trick and Babylonian whore.

Spread these words like your legs that this game is fucking over.

Calling me "yours'' was worse than playing dodgeball barefoot on glass.

Breaking news:expect a fucking blow to the temple.

I gave it my all.

You gave me nothing but empty words filled with false promise.

Congrats, you're the new American dream.

Formidably Over-Zealous

"Just relax,it wasn't like there was a getaway plan"

You're just a tip,just a bill, just a fray at the end.

Not a profit, just a pocket in the jacket of shame.

Cash the check, who gives a fuck? 

Bank teller always to blame.

Sell me your dreams, but never fucking mention the lies.

Repay,rebate, just to fucking retax.

Baby we'll wash & erode away in the tide.

Next time you make a transaction, make sure the price is right.

Don't drag it on for months, don't take it on in stride.

Lack of Ethics.

All I wanted was a gutterfuck.

Lay down with dogs,wake up with fleas.

All I wanted was a hole to touch.

Celebration post-menstruation complete elation ignorant bliss.

So absurd.

Don't look into my fucking eyes.

Don't dare let out a moan.

You're just great legs and a pair of thighs.

Just a cheap price and a gutterfuck.

Buck sixty-one,not too little,never enough.

Disposal.

What the fuck do you want from me?

I can only take so much complaining.

Your pupils look like trashcan lids.

What's wrong baby? Sick of looking at filth?

Then stop looking at the harlot in the mirror.

She isn't as pretty when she's on her feet.

You are a fucking abomination.

You are a fucking plague.

This is your fucking initiation.

Welcome to the human race.

Enjoy your stay and defecate.

Utter Elation.

Every time is like being a child on a roller coaster for the first time.

An exhilarating feeling,deep in the thrill.

I cover my elated expression,staring in your blue eyes to keep my concentration.

How we kept our eyes open,i'll never know.

Everything is where it's supposed to be.

Blue on top,brown on bottom.

Sky and dirt.

Every time you slide under the thin covers of this bed, I strap my seatbelt.

I'm ready for another rollercoaster.

Conclusion.

You're like a fucking anchor.

A colossal iron anchor.

My fault for wrapping you around my ankle and leaping off a cliff.

I'll send you a fucking postcard,

and plagiarized apology notes.

I'll see you at the bottom of the septic tank.

You reap what you sow.

Blegh.

tonight was a complete and utter mindfuck. more so than other nights with him.

it's ridiculous and stupid and hopeless;yet we both stick around and bear it.

its like a glass case of suffering

Waste of Space.

for a long time,I reflected on this confusion in the astronomical traditions concerning the derivation of the universe's spheres.

Human Nature.

"living in filth never felt so good" she said.

let's lay on our backs and pretend we're dead.

let her skin exude passion and lust 

this pressure point makes you sweat.

one day a rain will wash the scum off these sheets

but this love will be lost in the midst of this august heat

I can smell the evergreen outside this cabin,can we please pretend this never happened?

fine okay,i'll take what I can get.

you were the night I won't forgive,you were the fuck I won't forget.